Cardinals manager and legendary complainer Tony La Russa isn’t just putting his energy into his new wine endeavor. He’s also putting a single drop of his tears into every bottle of “Whine” he sells.
“I just couldn’t stand all those other wines,” pouted La Russa. “None of them tasted like I wanted them to. Some were too oaky, others too bitter. After a lot of crying and some pretty serious soul-searching, I decided to just start making my own wine. This was in October of last year.”
Once Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols officially gave La Russa the green light to start his own winery, the manager was off to the races.
“It’s no secret I expel maybe 10-12 ounces of heartfelt tears per game,” he said. “I started saving them in April and have already cried enough to make good on my promise to add a single drop of my tears to every bottle on the shelf. Surprisingly, my tears are slightly peachy with a touch of licorice.”
Whine sells for $12.95 a bottle, unless you complain about the price, in which case customers will be given a 10% “Teary Tony” discount.