Thousands of young single men gathered at McCormick Place this weekend to express their outrage at Blackhawks forwards Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane for seducing a majority of the city’s eligible females.
Calling themselves the League of Jealous Hockey Fans (LJHF), the group is concerned that Kane and Toews’ heightened promiscuity has left little possibility for other Chicago men to spend any time with attractive young women who have not already had relations with either or both of the young stars.
“We have a hard enough time finding women as it is now,” said LJHF president Mark McKenzie, a 25-year-old from Lincoln Park. “With these two on the loose, no girl is going to be impressed with my fully loaded Mazda Miata.”
Other LJHF members take exception to Kane and Toews for different reasons.
“Invariably, every girl I meet tells me at some point that she’s dated Toews or Kane, sometimes both,” said 36-year-old River North resident Sean O’Grady. “My health care plan just cut STD checks so I won’t get anywhere near anything those guys have touched.”
By Andy Landgrebe