Every year countless people put together an impossible list of New Year’s resolutions, only to fail on most by the second week of January. Athletes and other sports figures are no different. Here’s a list of resolutions from the best and brightest in the Chicago sports world and elsewhere.


Brian Urlacher and Jay Cutler: Play well enough in the playoffs so we don’t have to blame the Bears second-round blame loss on the poor conditions of Soldier Field’s playing surface

Lovie Smith: Finally take those anger management courses

Johnny Knox: Go over the middle just once without winding up in the fetal position

John Scott: Learn how to skate backward. Forward too, actually.

Cristobal Huet: Become a top 10 goalie in the Swiss league

Patrick Kane: Get out and live a little

Antti Niemi: Beat team other than Blackhawks

Patrick Sharp: Wink more. Be 15 percent more charming.

Cubs & White Sox
Jim Hendry:  Stay on a budget and still find a way to extend Fukudome

Tom Ricketts: Say please and thank you when asking the state for $200 million

Crane Kenney: Limit ticket price increases to 20 percent

Alfonso Soriano:  Outperform expectations just enough to become only the second worst contract in the game

Oney Guillen: Hold a job for longer than three weeks

Steve Stone: Make it through another year without calling Hawk an idiot on the air

Carlos Pena: Strike out less than Dunn

Adam Dunn: Strike out less than Pena

Kerry Wood: Punch Grabow and Jeff Samardzija every time they remind me that they make more than me

Carlos Zambrano: Either pitch a perfect game on opening day or spend the entire rest of the season freaking out about it

Derrick Rose: Take the SAT for myself this time and get into Harvard

Carlos Boozer: Only punch soft things … like Eddy Curry

Tom Thibodeau: Stop thinking about basketball for five minutes sometime in August

The rest of the sports world
Jay Mariotti: Next time — even if she wants to turn off “Days of our Lives” when I’m watching — just let the bitch have the remote

Aaron Rodgers: Stop getting so many concuss … what was the question again?

John Calipari: Enter a recruit’s home without bags of money

NU Men’s Basketball team: Finally make the NCAA tournament. Kidding, NIT. Kidding. Just keep having the highest team GPA in the Big Ten.

Bud Selig: Get frumpier and more old-man like

Michael Vick: Enter the Iditarod

By Rich Fruin, Patrick Olson, Dan Bradley and Brad Zibung