The girlfriend of former slugger and steroid tattletale Jose Canseco today admitted that she received a performance-enhancing injection of her own.
“Well, like, Jose isn’t the only one who’s built a career by totally fake means,” said Canseco’s girlfriend, Leila Shennib, a 23-year-old aspiring model during a press conference. “I have, like, received a pair of performance enhancers myself.”
At first, Shennib refused to disclose the type of enhancement she’s received but experts indicated she perhaps was referring to her D-sized breasts, which look at least a little unnatural. When pressed further, Shennib came clean.
“Yes, it’s true, just like Jose’s muscles, my breasts aren’t exactly god-given,” Shennib said. “But Jose said he totally loves me for my brains, not my boobs and that’s how you know our love is real, unlike my breasts.”
Shennib said she someday hopes to write a book with Canseco that outs every other aspiring model who may have also received performance-enhancing breasts.