The Vikings today purchased the world’s largest roll of duct tape in a feverish attempt to patch the Metrodome roof in time for Monday night’s game against the Bears.
“We’ll do whatever we darn well can to get this stadium ready for Monday’s big game, don’t ya know?” said the Vikings head of facilities Sven Petersen. “And you know what they say, ‘If you can’t duct it, forget it.’ Pardon my French.”
The duct tape roll measures nearly 50 feet in circumference and weighs several tons. It was flown in today via helicopter from 3M’s nearby St. Paul headquarters.
“Oh gosh, we’ve never done nothing like this before don’t ya know?” said 3M CEO George Buckley. “The Vikings are our pride and joy up here in the Twin Cities and we’d do just about anything to help them out, except maybe if Brett Favre is the one requesting it. That guy’s worn out his welcome.”
Photoshop image by Pat Lamorte