Cubs President Crane Kenney today said the Cubs plan to adjust season ticket pricing through an even more complex “bifurcated” tiered pricing system sure to confuse even the most intelligent fan. For example, some games will be at a “Platinum” level everywhere but the bleachers which will be priced at less expensive the “Gold” level and vice-versa.

“We had lots of season ticket holders complain to us about losing a great deal of money this season,” said Kenney. “That’s why our pricing structure will be as confusing as possible next year. It’s tough to complain about something you don’t understand.”

The Cubs also plan to add bleacher season tickets next year, even though the section was famously half-empty for much of 2010.

“No one wanted to pay our high prices to be in the bleachers on game day this season since our team was so god-awful,” said Kenney. “So now so we’ll try to soak them for $60 a ticket for all 81 games months before the season starts when we’re still mathematically in the pennant race. Just keep the cash coming please.”