Finding themselves with many unsold tickets this year, the Cubs have been renting out empty seats at Wrigley Field for storage space. Never ones to miss an opportunity to make some money, the move compensates for the loss of revenue due to lackluster on-field play with quality in-stadium storage. It has, overall, been welcomed as a smart and agreeable idea by everyone from the fans to the players.

“At first I thought it was a bad idea; there are a lot of fans that would love those seats,” said Wrigley Field beer vendor Colin Finley. “Then I saw how much more enthusiastic these piles of junk are about the game than actual fans, and I couldn’t disagree more. Plus, I get better tips now!”

Cubs players haven’t been bothered by heaps of clutter in the stands. They’ve actually enjoyed the serene peace brought on by less heckling.

“I hit a foul ball hard down into the stands near third and hit an old air conditioner,” said Alfonso Soriano. “You can bet that air condition didn’t make a crack about it like some spoiled frat boy fan would have.”

“Be sure to be here on Aug. 20,” said skipper Lou Piniella. “It’s going to be a helluva game against the Braves/swap meet.”

From the August 2010 issue by Marvin Venis Benjamin. Click here to subscribe today!