As the black cloud of the Steroid Era fades, Commissioner Bud Selig has sought to correct his indiscretions and blatant incompetence by forcing the fallen heroes from that era to earn redemption by taking hitting coach jobs.

First it was Mark McGwire with the Cardinals. Now, the likes of Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds and Rafael Palmeiro have been hired across the league.

“Listen, we all know that I covered up for these stars for the sake of money,” said a grinning Selig. “The American public has a short attention span and has nearly forgotten about Bonds and the rest so it’s time to make them legitimate again.”

This has spurned many viable coaching candidates that have been seeking work in the Majors.

“This has made my life real hard,” said aspiring coach and former MLB player Robin Ventura. “I’ve started taking steroids now to help me get a job. I only started cheating after I retired from baseball, how sad is that?”

From the February 2010 issue by Marvin Venis Benjamin. Subscribe today!