As the Cubs’ slow off-season plods along, the biggest sports news on Chicago’s North Side this winter has been the installation of a temporary skating rink in Wrigley Field’s parking lot.

“I assure our anxious fans that Jim Hendry is working hard to bring in a few overpriced mid-level free agents for next season,” said team president Crane Kenney. “All depressed fans are encouraged to skate away their blues in our flooded parking lot for just $10 a person.”

After last year’s wildly popular Winter Classic NHL game at Wrigley, this marks the second straight year a frozen body of water at Wrigley was the Cubs’ biggest news of the winter. Kenney said this year’s rink all came about by dumb luck.

“Wrigley’s 19th century plumbing couldn’t handle our recent cold stint,” said Kenney. “Some pipes burst and flooded the parking lot. We were going to clean it up, but then we decided to put a fence around it and charge to let people skate on it. As we know, Cubs fans will pay good money for just about anything.”

By Brad Zibung, editor in chief