Longtime North Side fans won’t be surprised to learn that another “Cubbie occurrence” struck their favorite team earlier this week when Tom Ricketts took a terrible spill walking to work on the first day as the new Cubs’ owner. Ricketts was badly hurt and is now recuperating in his family’s newly constructed war room 300 feet below the Earth’s surface.

“It was a completely freak accident,” said Ricketts. “I was just steps from the front office door at Wrigley and one of those bricks with fans’ name on them was kind of poking out and, sure enough, I tripped over it and now here I sit with two broken wrists, a broken nose and two black eyes.”

Ricketts said the accident has dramatically changed his outlook for the Cubs.

“In my first press conference as owner I was going to tell fans to stay patient while we build a World Series champion,” Ricketts said. “But since this terrible accident, I’ve lost all hope of any championship. I can’t believe so many fans have stuck with this literally cursed team for so long.”

By Dan Bradley