Fox announced Wednesday it hired foul-mouthed White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen as a pre- and post-game World Series analyst. Surprisingly, the FCC is thrilled by the news.
“We could use the money,” said FCC chairman Julius Genachowski, who estimated his agency could pocket millions of dollars in fines each time Guillen speaks. “Times have been lean around here ever since Howard Stern left for satellite radio.”
Guillen is preparing hard for his broadcasting stint.
“It’s too bad the Dodgers got their [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted] eliminated because I had a bunch of good ones lined up for Manny [expletive deleted] Ramirez,” said Guillen. “That lazy [expletive deleted] Dominican.
“He wears those braids like a god damn [expletive deleted). Who’s he think he is, Johnny Depp on ‘Pirates of the [expletive deleted] Caribbean’?”
Guillen said he’s hoping the Yankees close out the Angels tonight so he can give in-depth analysis of New York’s starting rotation, specifically ace CC Sabathia.
“Man, CC is fat,” said Guillen. “That fat [expletive deleted] looks like he ate Bartolo Colon and Bobby Jenks and still hasn’t [expletive deleted] them out on the toilet yet.”
By Brad Zibung, founder and editor in chief