Following a recent workout, the Pistons came to the shocking revelation that free agent signee Ben Gordon is really only 5-foot-2. The Pistons found out after measuring the former Bulls guard, who they signed to a five-year, $55 million deal this summer.

“I can’t believe they finally figured it out,” said former Bulls GM John Paxson. “I always knew he was short, but not that short. Suckers.”

Gordon, who led the league in scoring and three-point percentage for players under 65 inches, said he was getting fitted for special athletic Timberland boots. “This should bump me up to 5-5 … well, at least 5-4,” he said.

From the October 2009 issue by Matthew Wood, intrepid reporter