After the Cubs 7-2 win over the Brewers Tuesday night, fresh-faced Cubs rookie outfielder Tyler Colvin thought he would take in some of the Cheddar State’s famed nightlife. He went to a downtown Milwaukee venue where he was carded at an all-ages show. Instead of seeing alt-polka sensations The Northern Curdlers, Colvin was forced to produce evidence that he’s actually 17 or older.
“Well, yeah, we’re a little embarrassed,” said head bouncer Chuck “Chucky” Kleinschmidtzberger. “But just because it’s an all ages show doesn’t mean we don’t have to obey Milwaukee’s curfew laws. I mean, this guy, he’s a pro ballplayer? Jeez, he looks like he’s about 15.”
Milwaukee Police spokesman Sue “Susie” O’Malley confirmed that under Milwaukee’s Ordinance 106, Morals and Welfare, section 23, no one under the age of 17 can be on the street between 10 p.m. and 5 a.m.
“Unless they’re delivering newspapers,” she said, citing one of our northern neighbor’s few growth industries. “Then it’s OK.”
After the game, Colvin — who turned 24 Sept. 5 — would only say “We gotta play ’em one day at a time. I’m just happy to be here and hope I can help the ballclub. I just wanta give it my best shot and, Good Lord willing, things’ll work out.”
By Bill Savage, Heckler reader and baseball expert
