After a summer featuring a pair of scandals, soft-spoken Bulls phenom Derrick Rose is hoping to fit in one more major scandal before he begins his sophomore season in the NBA. Rose has already has been in the media spotlight for an SAT test cheating scandal, as well as a surfaced photo where the Bulls guard was seen flashing a gang sign. Unsure how to top himself, Rose was seen booking trips to Las Vegas and Brazil.

When asked what he expected from the trips, Rose mumbled, “I don’t know. Whatever happens, I guess. I really liked that movie ‘The Hangover’ … ”

Sources speculate Rose’s latest scandal could involve anything from minor vandalism to “accidental” kidnapping. “I cheated on my standardized tests, then flashed some gang signs, and people still think I’m a good influence. I cut my arm ‘while cutting an apple’ and no one batted an eye. I just want people to think I’m a badass.”

From theĀ September 2009 issue by Jeff GoodSmith