In what is considered the greatest upset in Olympic bid history, Cardinals utility man and former Cub Mark DeRosa helped St. Louis beat out Chicago and several international cities for the right to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, further confirming the Cubs and GM Jim Hendry made a major gaffe by trading DeRosa away this offseason.

DeRosa met with IOC officials Tuesday to outline his proposal.

“My presentation to the IOC began with my striking grin and a variety of interesting facts, like my career .277 batting average and that I’m married to a former model,” said DeRosa. “I followed that up with five minutes of fireworks, one baby juggling three larger babies and an oil painting depicting me lighting a cigarette with the Olympic torch. I flashed my charming grin again, and what do you know, the Olympics are coming to the Loo.”

From the September 2009 issue by Ben Kobold