Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano added another contract to his lucrative bounty when he inked a deal with Abflex to be the company’s “before” picture model. According to contract specifics, there is no need for Zambrano to continue working for Abflex after the photos and videos are taken of him posing shirtless, holding a huge sub sandwich.

“I offered my services as the ‘after model’ as well, but the Abflex guy just laughed uncontrollably,” said Zambrano. “I asked him what was funny and he said it was a joke he heard earlier in the day. When I took off my shirt two hours later, he began laughing hysterically again. That must have been some joke!”

Abflex briefly considered using an airbrushed and digitally altered photo of a fit Zambrano for an “after” photograph. That type of dramatic airbrushing technology is still decades away, the company said, so Abflex had to go to Plan B.

“We got David Beckham’s washboard abs for the ‘after’ photo,” said an Abflex spokesman. “We don’t think anyone will know the difference.”

From the September 2009 issue by Jimmy Juliano

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