Slick-fielding and slick-haired Joe Crede will be picking at third base for the Minnesota Twins next season, according to a Major League source.

The fan-favorite — who has missed four months the past two years due to two back surgeries — decided playing on the artifical surface in Minnesota is the optimal place for someone with his ailment. “81 games on painted concrete?” Crede said in an imprmptu press conference outside a Jefferson City, Mo. Denny’s. “That outta straighten me right out.”

Crede’s departure opens the door for Josh Fields–who doesn’t do his last name but hit 23 home runs in just 100 games in 2007.


heckler editorial staff