With the addition of former head coach Dave Campo as his new secondary coach, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has officially assembled a crack coaching staff ready and waiting to do his bidding.

“I run the show here, and don’t you forget it,” Jones said in an almost maniacal staccato, interrupted only when head coach Wade Phillips brought Jones his afternoon Pepsi. “Those championships in the 1990s? Mine. The championships we’re going to win? Mine.”

Jones is intent on establishing a coaching staff for his illegitimate son–and new assistant head coach–Jason Garrett.

“He’s got to succeed, that’s why I brought in [new offensive line coach] Hudson Houck and Campo,” Jones said. “Jason’s comfortable with those guys, he played for them in the 1990s and he’s coached with them since.”

His head coach is claiming to see two sides of Jones, both with what he’s saying and how he looks.

“If he’s going to go back to the team of the 1990s, I wish he’d go back to the face he had back then  before all that plastic surgery,” Phillips said. “He’s definitely dealing with me in a two-faced manner in more ways than one.”