Barry Bonds has been named the first member of the MLB’s newest franchise, the Las Vegas Juicers, a team comprised solely of alleged steroid users. Sporting the team’s home jersey, a short-sleeved shirt that provides team physicians unfettered access to players’ arms, Bonds fielded few questions from the media at yesterday’s press conference. Instead, he outlined the team’s aggressive negotiating and Bonds-led Juicers will join AL West in 2008 recruitment drive, which aims to deliver a roster within the next month.
“We’ve got our eyes on a lot of guys: Sammy Sosa. Rafael Palmeiro. Mark McGuire,” said Bonds, who will also serve as general manager. “Guys who have gotten a bum rap from you clowns in the press.”
That initial lineup presents one of many problems facing the new franchise. Namely, recruiting juiced pitchers.
“Other than the obvious choice of Roger Clemens, we may loosen up our policies there,” said Bonds. “We’re looking at a lot of spitballers.”