When Shaquille O’Neal entered the NBA as a 20-year-old in 1992, he was known for his boundless energy and strength. Now 35, years of pounding in the middle against some of the world’s biggest men, who regularly employ the “Hack-a-Shaq” technique to force the mediocre free throw shooter to the line, has taken its toll. As a result, his clothing line’s logo has been updated.

Once showing a lean, agile Shaq dunking a ball, it now depicts the older, slower Shaq hobbling up the court with the aid of a walker.

Marketing experts applaud the move. “Anyone who’s seen Shaq try to move on the floor knows this new logo is much more realistic,” said advertising analyst Timothy St. Claire. “As a result, sales of his athletic clothing line will probably spike with his new key demographics, which I expect to be retired boxers and nursing home residents.”

heckler editorial staff