Marian Hossa changes name to John Wayne
on Jan 26, 2013
Taking a page from movie legend John Wayne — who was born Marion Morrison — Hawks winger Marian Hossa recently announced he is also changing his name to the more “badass” John Wayne.
A spokesperson for the estate of country singer Johnny Cash says it’s about time. “Johnny sang about a ‘Boy named Sue’,” Jesse O’Byrne said. “That boy turned out very well as far as defending himself in a fight. The song lasted just a few minutes, though.”
Marion Morrison was born in Winterset, Iowa in 1907. When he became a man through trial and tribulation of going toe to toe with bullies who belittled his first name, Mr. Morrison made wholesale changes. Arguably, the only name manlier than John Wayne belongs to Clint Eastwood.
Speaking of the Hawks’ Wayne, coach Joel Quenneville was impressed.
“John Wayne has really stepped up since coming back from that vicious hit he took from Raffi Torres in the playoffs,” said Quenneville. “The only reason Raffi still roams the ice is our sympathy toward someone who feels inclined to deck a dude named ‘Marian’. On the other hand, Raffi Torres never came out onto the ice the other day when we played Phoenix either. So Torres dodged a bullet that way too.”
By Rob C. Christiansen