As a dismal 100+ loss 2012 comes to an end for the Chicago Cubs, the brass at Addison and Clark have issued their annual gift to season ticket holders. While in years past the gift consisted of an autographed baseball or a paperweight of some kind, this year’s present reflected all the highlights of the franchise’s most recent season.
“We wanted to catch all the special moments of this season, and put them in one commemorative gift,” said Cubs executive Crane Kenney. “So, we’re giving our season ticket holders this empty box.”
When asked if there was anything of substance the Cubs could have placed in the box, Kenney shrugged.
“Well, for me, the most memorable moment of the season was likely watching Kerry Wood pitch his last game,” said Kenney. “But thinking of that makes me cry and recall when I had job security. It’s honestly more sad than happy. Trust me, it’s better to put nothing in the box this year.”
Manager Dale Sveum was asked about his assessment of the gift.
“I offered to take a dump in the box because I thought it would be a better reflection of the season,” Sveum said. “But apparently the league frowns upon such actions.”
Empty boxes are expected to ship before the new year. The Cubs have promised to indiscriminately mark the packages so season ticket holders will not be embarrassed upon receipt of their gift.