Jed Hoyer 3
An anonymous source confirmed that Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer determined that the Cubs could not win the World Series, so they instituted a systematic process to lose 10 of their last 12 games.
"I've been to Kohl's two dozen times already. I'm not kidding you. We've tried royal blue, space blue, cornflower blue, sky, sapphire, air force blue, navy ... Did you know there's one called pigeon blue? Pigeon blue?!"