"Nothing provides the natural warmth of a bear skin coat," said Helton. "And I'm ensured it was taken down humanely because I'm the one who killed it with a high-powered rifle while it was playfully frolicking in a meadow with its cubs."
"We'd like to thank Coors for their continued support of the Colorado Rockies, but with all due respect, we'd like our stadium to be sponsored by a local beer that doesn't taste like moldy rainwater," said Monfort. "Unfortunately the only local brewery with a sponsorship budget is Coors so we're going to have to get creative if we want our park named after a beer that doesn't suck."
Jamie Moyer's 27-year MLB career reached a high note Friday when Commissioner Bud Selig announced the 49-year-old Rockies pitcher had been great-grandfathered into the baseball's Hall of Fame.
"Hey guys, how about those numbers, right?" he asked. "I swear, man, back in 2011, those kind of numbers would have given you material for dozens of articles. Hundreds, even."
“I freaked out,” said the Cubs’ infielder. When Bote asked the doctor if he would be okay, the doctor responded: “You’re going to be more than okay, David. You are going to be a freaking legend.”