Jamie Moyer’s 27-year MLB career reached a high note Friday when Commissioner Bud Selig announced the 49-year-old Rockies pitcher had been great-grandfathered into the baseball’s Hall of Fame.

“An ageless wonder, Jamie Moyer’s outstanding performance through the years and pending AARP membership leave him so qualified for the Hall of Fame that we’ve decided to great-grandfather him in,” said Selig, squinting to read his notes through bifocals borrowed from Moyer. “I remember when he and I were classmates back in grammar school. Who’d have thought we’d both wind up here today?”

Moyer said he hoped the award would bring him some much-needed clout in the locker room, which he described as overrun with “hooligans.”

“You’ve got that whippersnapper Helton, thinking he knows everything even though he’s only 38,” said Moyer. “And then Tulowitzki. What the hell kind of name is that … Polish? Aw, what do I care? To hell with all of them.”