Monday, November 30, 2020

Braves GM unaware of catcher traded to Cubs

“We probably signed 150 players last year. I don’t even own a computer, and I sure as hell don’t have cable, so how am I supposed to know who’s in our organization.”

Cubs vow to avenge meaningless Braves celebration when they’re good in 4 or 5...

"They knew the clinched the East halfway through our game," said Cubs manager Dale Sveum. "It's bush league to have a big celebration on our field an hour after that when they finally beat us."

Cubs schedule Tommy John surgery for Dempster in anticipation of today’s season-ending injury

"I've not been with the Cubs long, but I'm well aware of how cursed this franchise has been through the years," said team president Theo Epstein. "We're all dreading the very likely possibility that Ryan will blow out his elbow in Pittsburgh this afternoon."

Trade to Atlanta allows Dempster a shot at dorky white guy role in next...

Ryan Dempster was thrilled to be traded to Braves Monday because being close to Tyler Perry's Atlanta studios will allow him the chance to expand upon his comedy career by auditioning for the role of "Dorky White Guy 3" in Perry's next film, "Madea Goes to Fat Camp."

Chipper to use Hoveround in games during final season

Atlanta third baseman Chipper Jones has announced a deal with Hoveround. Jones, who recently slipped while stretching just moments before he announced his plans to retire after the 2012 season, has decided to try to get some help.

Derrek Lee now one year from obscurity after signing with Orioles

Not too long ago Derrek Lee was the anchor of a promising Cubs squad that lead the NL in wins. Now after verbally agreeing to a one-year contract with the lowly Orioles, Lee's on the verge of obscurity after sulking his way to a mediocre 2010 campaign with the Cubs and Braves.