Illinois

Brett Favre -- who has thrown more interceptions than any quarterback in NFL history and won his only Super Bowl in 1997 -- again decided against retirement and will return to the Vikings this season.

Fans may have given up on the 2010 Cubs, but players want to establish momentum for next year. That means dedication and sacrifice, which is why the entire team has decided to stop waxing their eyebrows until October.

Cubs brass has already made significant progress in its ongoing managerial search, narrowing the candidates to a group of primates or a Magic 8-Ball. Both options present tremendous upgrades from the likes of Lou Piniella, Dusty Baker and other unmentionably horrid regimes.

It's hard to believe it's been more than 40 years this week since the the Woodstock Festival took place in upstate New York. Sure enough, Cubs superfan Ronnie "Woo-Woo" Wickers found a way there and even partied backstage with Jimi Hendrix.

Bulls legend Scottie Pippen received word this week that he'll soon be an esteemed member of the Acting Hall of Fame thanks to his outstanding role in a 1991 Mr. Submarine TV ad.

Scottie Pippen was known as an irreplaceable part of the Bulls six championship teams in the '90s. Unfortunately, he was also known as a terrible tipper. Nearly every Chicagoland waiter, valet and bartender during the era had a story about "No Tippin'" Pippen. Not surprisingly, Pippen's stinginess has not changed, as he's despised by service workers in Springfield, Mass., where he will be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame this weekend.

It's not even September and North Side baseball is already a painful afterthought. Luckily The Heckler's August issue is here to dull the pain with unbelievable coverage of the Loveable Losers. There's also great stuff about the rest of the teams in our fair city, so please read on.