It’s not even September and North Side baseball is already a painful afterthought. Luckily The Heckler’s August issue is here to dull the pain with unbelievable coverage of the Loveable Losers. There’s also great stuff about the rest of the teams in our fair city, so please read on.

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Among this issue’s headlines
Cubs News
Cubs install giant toilet ad outside Wrigley encouraging fans to ‘Flush this season’

Every recipe in Cubs Cookbook leaves bad taste in mouth

Cubs skipper search narrowed down to a room full of monkeys or Magic 8-Ball

Sandberg gets goldfish to prove he’s responsible enough to run team

Brenly has secretly been managing from booth while Lou napped

Empty Wrigley seats rented out as storage space

Cubs make vets carry Castro’s and Colvin’s bags on trips

Dempster, Soto play hide-and-seek in giant noodle

Even Fontenot forgets he’s on the Cubs

Big Z named new team shrink for Cubs reality TV show

In show of team unity, Cubs stop waxing eyebrows for rest of season

Fontenot found growing to bench

D Lee hits into quadruple play

Cash-strapped Cubs hire part-time manager to save on health insurance

Piniella to manage remainder of year in Tommy Bahama shirt

Woo-Woo in History: Woodstock with Jimi Hendrix

Wrigley Field News
Wrigley set to become white person mecca for Dave Matthews concerts as Snoop added to bill

Shortened end zones at Wrigley don’t bother NU or U of I as neither team has scored a TD in years

White Sox News
RATT sells out two shows at U.S. Cellular Field

Guillen really enjoyed that ‘[expletive deleted] omelet’

U.S. Cellular Field Fireworks expert loses mullet, last remaining thumb in tragic mishap

Jenks momentarily full … OK, now he’s good

Baseball News
Steinbrenner buys baseball team in hell

26 more pitchers throw no-hitters this week

A-Rod hits 324th non-steroid HR, 600th overall

Bears News
Angelo spends most of practice with ‘Kick Me’ sign on his back

Martz playbook has WRs colliding with each other at unseen levels

Cutler picked off by a tackling dummy

Tice better option than all but two of the linemen he’s coaching

Lovie runs into old Pop Warner coach, asks for coaching advice

Marinelli prepared to assume role as scapegoat for Lovie’s defensive woes

Bears sort of confident they can at least beat Lions

Football News
USC returns Kim Kardashian and all of Reggie Bush’s other old trophies

Nation eagerly awaits comeback of INT-tossing QB who won his only Super Bowl 13 years ago

Blackhaws News
Girl still has Stanley Cup-licking photo as her Facebook profile pic

Stan Bowman trades Stanley Cup for more sensibly priced coffee mug

NBA News
ESPN’s ‘The Decision’ deluxe two-disc Director’s Cut DVD goes on sale

Post-LeBron era forces Cleveland to be re-named ‘New Detroit’

Brad Zibung
Founder & Publisher

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