Fans may have given up on the 2010 Cubs, but players want to establish momentum for next year. That means dedication and sacrifice, which is why the entire team has decided to stop waxing their eyebrows until October.

“It was Geo’s idea,” said Marlon Byrd, referring to the well-groomed Geovany Soto who’s on the DL with a shoulder injury. “That a suave guy like him would make such a sacrifice is huge. We’re gonna be the closest bunch of unibrow-sporting freaks this side of a Trekkie convention.”

By George Ellis