Bored Cubs fan checks MLB standings for first time since May
With his team out of contention for the vast majority of the season, a bored Cubs fan working in Naperville checked the MLB standings for the first time since May 15, just to see how the other teams were doing.
Carl Weathers’ NFL Power Rankings
Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing in only 8 NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.
Local woman relieved to learn Sharp’s emergency appendectomy didn’t leave scars on his face
"Oh my god. How's his face?" asked Jacquelyn Witkowski of Barrington, a self-described "jersey-chaser" who's never met Sharp or any of his teammates. "They didn't have to cut his face, did they?"
Delusional Chicago media dubs Kreutz ‘country’s greatest leader since Abraham Lincoln’
Citing the countless stories and columns they’ve written touting former Bear Olin Kreutz’s leadership qualities, a coalition of Chicago sports reporters today claimed the Saints center is in fact the greatest leader since America’s 16th President.
George Lucas digitally inserts Lovie Smith into Star Wars Blu-rays
For the release of the “Star Wars” saga on Blu-ray, all traces of actor Billy Dee Williams have been wiped clean from “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi.” In his place is Bears head coach Lovie Smith, playing a character named Lovio Calsmithian.
Bears disprove critics until next Sunday when they’ll have to disprove them again
Few gave the Bears a chance in Sunday's season opener against the favored Falcons, but Chicago dismantled Atlanta 30-12, silencing the critics until next weekend's game against the Saints when they'll have to silence them again.
Bears fan forgets to bring veggie tray his wife packed for tailgate
“It’s hard to believe he didn’t see the veggies, as they were sitting right next to the beer and brats in the fridge,” said his wife Allison. “Mr. 350 Cholesterol didn’t forget the potato chips and beef jerky, that’s for sure.”
