Chicago

“The random timeouts, his inability to get plays out on the field, they all make sense now,” said QB Jay Cutler. “Coach Smith had to wait for his own personal Tyler Durden to saunter in and tell him what to do.”

"We've been spoiled by [past GM] Jerry Angelo, who was willing to waste draft picks by not getting them in on time, signed every injured offensive tackle available, and took Cedric Benson when we already had Thomas Jones," said lifelong fan Bob Dukowski.

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Despite playing in only 8 NFL games, he was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

"I like to break up the season into 64ths. I will hold a press conference at the end of each quarter of each game and assess the team. I imagine after 1/64th of the 2013 season, we will be in great shape and on our way to the Super Bowl."

Now that the Lovie Smith era has come to a close in Chicago, let's take a look at some of The Heckler's more memorable headlines about him.

The mood was grim at Halas Hall Monday morning as head coach Lovie Smith was fired after nine seasons as Bears head coach. Reports indicate that Smith attempted to call a timeout during the termination. After that was denied, he pulled a red challenge flag from his sock and casually dropped it on the conference room floor.

"Sure, Quackers has a broken leg and doesn't even speak English," said Emery. "But let's be honest, could he be any worse in crucial situations? We've observed the duck for nearly three hours and he hasn't wasted a single timeout yet."