Cubs

"Back before I got him fired, Mike used to harp on my singing style, so I changed it up," said Cutler of the Bears' former offensive coordinator. "Clearly, the changes didn't improve my performance and that's all on Mike."

Lost in the headlines saying Jay Cutler butchered the 7th Inning Stretch at Wrigley Saturday afternoon, was that injuries suffered during the hit Cutler took when throwing out the game's first pitch will force him to miss the entire 2012 season.

“It’s not a goatee, it’s not a soul patch, it’s not a beard, it’s not stubble, it’s ... it’s just a clump of mess, honey,” exclaimed Zoltar Tokken, a stylist at a Lakeview salon.

“We have a lot riding on Rizzo,” said Sveum. “The more comfortable he gets at the plate, especially in a pressure cooker situation like the All-Star game, the better off he is.”

Every June or July, when the Cubs are mathematically eliminated from post-season baseball, the general manager chooses a player who they will promote the following season to save the team and ultimately lead the Cubs to a World Series title.

If you've had a hot dog at Wrigley Field this season, you may be thinking something tasted different than years past. And you'd be right: no more rat feces!

Fans were shocked to see Koyie Hill back in a Cubs uniform last month after a bevy of injuries to the team’s cadre of catchers. Signed off the Reds’ double-A scrap heap, Hill, who has a lifetime average of .210, eight home runs and seven workable fingers, was just shocked himself to find out that he was wanted back in the Windy City.