Report: Dempster must pass physical comedy before any trade is finalized
"Dempster is brilliant when it comes to pitching," said Cubs President Theo Epstein, "but he really needs to work on his practical jokes. He's been dry for sometime now."
Cubs fans irate after Rizzo gets All-Star snub
"I don't understand what this guy has to do to get some recognition," said Cubs fan Mitch Campanella. "He can hit for power and walk on water, I think his WAR is already at like 300! Outrageous!"
LaHair not going to go to All-Star Game because he’s convinced someone’s just messing...
"No way, no how," said LaHair. "I'm having a decent season, but it's by no means an All-Star season. It's probably some elaborate prank Dempster's putting on me."
Cubs fan accidentally catches glimpse of action while shifting gaze from iPhone to nearby...
“I was just updating my Facebook on my iPhone to let everyone know I’m at the game, and this chick with huge boobs sits down to my left, so you know, I gotta look,” said van Holt. “Next thing I know, I’m seeing some dude I’d never heard of hit a bomb into the right-field bleachers. It was awesome!”
Kerry Wood shows up at Field of Dreams, shooed away by corporate owners
“I was walking into the cornfields to play cards with Shoeless Joe Jackson,” Wood said. “And I was tipping my cap in farewell to my wife and son who were sitting in the grandstands when this corporation man with light sandy hair blindsided me from center field.”
The Len & Bob Band breakup causing tension on-air
“I made some joke that the best Bob could ever hope for is to be rhythm guitarist in a Doobie Brothers cover band,” said Kasper. “And now he says we’re on hiatus and is spending entire games in the booth writing his 'The Wall.'”
Heckler Graphic: The Cubs Fan Food Pyramid
What exactly provides Cubs fans the nourishment they need to keep doing whatever it is they do?
