So surprised was Cubs 1B/OF Bryan LaHair about his All-Star Game selection that he’s refusing to attend the festivities in Kansas City later this month, convinced someone on the team is just playing a practical joke on him and that he wasn’t actually named to the NL roster as a reserve.

“No way, no how,” said LaHair. “I’m having a decent season, but it’s by no means an All-Star season. It’s probably some elaborate prank Dempster’s putting on me.”

LaHair said whomever is pulling the ruse has been very impressive, somehow making every website he visits say that he’s made the All-Star team as a reserve first baseman rather than perhaps more deserving NL candidates like Arizona’s Paul Goldschmidt or Washington’s Adam LaRoche.

“Even has my name on it instead of any of those other guys who are having better seasons than me,” said LaHair. “Whoever did this must be pretty good with computers or something.”