Normally soft-spoken Kris Bryant hoped his voice was heard loud and clear over the weekend as he urged MLB to move its upcoming playoffs to a bubble in Williamsport, PA, home of the Little League World Series. Bryant denied that the cozy 225 ft. dimensions at Howard J. Lamade Stadium was the reason for his incessant pleas, instead focusing on the safety of the players and their families.

“I hear they have a large concentration of hotels all in the same area,” said Bryant, who has hit a meager two home runs on the season and saw his average dip below the Mendoza Line on Sunday. “There is a ton to do for the kids, like an amusement park and a zoo. It will be great fun for everyone.”

When asked if a smaller ballpark would cure what ails the former N.L. Rookie of the Year and MVP, Cubs Manager David Ross laughed it off.

“I love the guy, but whether it’s Williamsport, Wrigley Field or Dodger Stadium, it’s sort of a lost cause at this point,” said Ross. “I’ve seen Kris go from hitting balls off the scoreboard to having warning track power to now edge of the infield dirt power. And most of the time he’s just a whiff machine. Maybe if we get one of those 12-year-olds to pitch to him, he’d have a chance, but I highly doubt it.”

Jeremy Barewin