NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is fed up with the Bears and their lack of draft capital participating in the NFL draft.
“What’s the point of having a team participate in the draft when they have no picks until day three in 2022?” Goodell said to reporters. “What’s best for the NFL is to not allow the Bears to participate, all they do anyway is devour our war room catering, bet against themselves, and ask about the eligibility of division four players who don’t exist.”
With a lack of anything tangible for teams to use, NFL Executives have stopped taking calls from the Bears. However, not all calls have ceased, reports have linked the Bears in conversations with Antonio Gates, Steven Jackson and Wes Welker for overpriced deals.
Pace and the Bears have already reportedly began attempting to trade draft invites with other teams, but with a lack of cap space, even bribery seems to be failing.
“We are in talks with the XFL’s Tampa Bay Vipers for a tight end who played in NFL Europe,” said an elated Ryan Pace from behind a Halas Hall door. “They apparently are willing to trade Trestman, their Bellagio fountain side seats, picks in the eighth and ninth round, for four games in Soldier Field. I’m going to throw in a second-rounder in 2023 for good measure.”