When news officially broke that the 2020 Tokyo games were being postponed a year, athletes around the world pushed back tears, but not necessarily for the reasons you might think.
“It is no secret that every Olympic games, from ancient Greece to the 21st century, have the best athletes in the world doing amazing things on their respective fields and having copious amounts of sex off them,” said IOC Vice President Dick Pound. “We didn’t want to prevent these great athletes from potentially creating super babies, but some things are bigger than sports.”
“Awful doesn’t begin to describe how I’m feeling,” said Jamaican sprinter, Yohan Blake. “We don’t train for gold medals, we train because everyone in the Olympic village is crazy hot. I know that’s not what parents with small children at home want to hear, but it’s the truth.”
“I hate this,” said five time US gold medalist, Katie Ledecky. “I realize some things are bigger than sports but I just really wish it didn’t stop me from having sex with some of the greatest athletes in the world.”
The athletes will continue to train so they can have plenty of sex in Tokyo in 2021.