President Donald Trump today pardoned Houston Astros players, coaches and executives for cheating by stealing pitch signals in games during the 2017 season when they won the World Series.
The team used a center field camera to view catchers’ signs with a team assistant banging a garbage can to relay coming pitches to Astros’ hitters.
“I am pleased to announce this fantastic pardon of the Astros,” Trump said. “I mean, it’s not like they were deflating footballs or anything like that.”
When asked if he would extend pardons to other high profile individuals, Trump reminded reporters that, last November, he pardoned two Thanksgiving turkeys.
“I’ve made pardons great again,” the Trump said.
In addition to the Astros, Trump said he is considering exonerating the garbage can.
”I’ve been told it was a big beautiful garbage can,” said Trump. “It was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not its fault.”
For his part, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred expressed his typical impotence.
“For awhile now people have wanted me to step up and do something about this scandal, but instead I’ve tried to appease both sides with no success,” said Manfred. “While I don’t agree with the president’s decision at all, I’m confident this situation is now behind us forever. That’s how this works, right?”