Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve addressed the media today regarding the Astros’ sign-stealing scandal and compiled what no one thought they could–the perfect apology.
“Not only was it the perfect apology,” said John Hubbard, a die-hard Dodgers fan whose team was perhaps most affected by the scandal, “but they did it so quickly too. I was impressed and it is safe to say all is forgiven.”
Bregman and Altuve each spoke for 3.5 seconds making it the two shortest apologies ever according to the Guinness Book of World Records, both on record, just overtaking a statement of regret by Dwight Schrute in S05 E13 of The Office.
“Me and Alex did a very good job,” Altuve said after their statements. “I am just so glad everyone forgives us completely and the fact that we did it in record time is just a testament to our hard work and commitment from the Astros organization to do a good job no matter what it takes.”