For years, commuting Chicagoans have been greeted by the unwelcoming smile of former Bears linebacker, Brian Urlacher in a series of billboards along the Dan Ryan. Lately, they’ve noticed that the claims of Urlacher and RESTORE Hair Treatment are not just smoke and mirrors. In fact, they may work too well.

Recent reports have shown that Urlacher has indeed grown new hair, so much actually that he has become a wookiee. For those with girlfriends, a wookiee is a fictional humanoid from the planet Kashyyyk who suffers from hirsutism (or the growth of unwanted hair in abnormal places) made popular by the Star Wars canon. 

Wookiees are known to be taller and much stronger than average humans, which suggests that it would be an easy transition for a large man such as an NFL player.

When asked if he regretted using such an aggressive hair restoration treatment, Urlacher replied, “GGGWWWRRRAAAHHH!” and ripped the arms off of the reporter who asked the question.

Image by Luke T

Steve Smith Jr. Jr.