Trying to understand why his play calling was so colossally ineffective, Bears head coach Matt Nagy just now realized he was reading off a laminated Denny’s restaurant menu rather than an offensive play call sheet for all four quarters of Sunday’s game against the Miami Dolphins.

Unfortunately for Chicago, the Bears couldn’t overcome Nagy’s bizarre play-calling and lost to Miami in OT 31-28, tax and tip not included. Nagy’s play-calling at the end of the game and on the Bears’ lone overtime possession was especially suspect.

Bears quarterback Mitch Trubisky confessed he was baffled by the plays being radioed in over his helmet headset, but did the best he could to execute the instructions.

“We were in an obvious passing situation and Matt sent in a play for a Crispy Bacon Avocado Cheeseburger, so I just winged it,” said Trubisky, referring to the delicious buffalo wings appetizer available at select Denny’s locations.

Nagy isn’t sure how the boneheaded gaffe occurred, but acknowledged that he should have known something was amiss when he consulted what he thought was the play call sheet and began shouting “Kids eat free! Kids eat free!” to the Bears offensive line.

“Kyle Long just assumed it was something we did in Arena football,” Nagy said. “This is so embarrassing.”

Eventually Trubisky began calling audibles after Nagy signaled for a “Build Your Own Grand Slam Breakfast” in a red-zone offense opportunity.

“We took a poll in the huddle and decided to go with two buttermilk pancakes, two sunny-side up eggs and a pass to Trey Burton,” Trubisky reported, adding, “And there’s nothing better than a touchdown with breakfast all day long.”

gregory paul