Following a dreadful season whose only silver lining was the promise of a potential top pick in the 2018 NBA Draft, the Bulls front office will be forced to pick seventh overall after accidentally tanking the draft lottery as well.

“I am sorry to say, that it looks like we really bungled this one. We knew that this was going to be a rebuilding year, and we recognized that in order to move forwards, you have to move backwards,” said a humbled Gar Foreman. He continued, “For such a long time, the tanking was going smoothly. We traded our best player for pocket change, and two players with only three functioning ACLs between them. We lined ourselves up beautifully for future success, but last Tuesday, we learned that sometimes tanking goes too far.”

Bulls coach Fred Hoiberg also expressed regret at the way events unfolded during the draft lottery, in which the Bulls, who were hoping to fall within the top three, fell to seven. He stated, “There was so much more I could have done to get us a better lottery pick. All year, my lucky socks, which I only wear when I desperately want to win, have been sitting in the far corner of my drawer, and it did not even occur to me to take them out for this moment.”

At press time, Foreman was fruitlessly attempting to negotiate a trade between Bobby Portis, and extra balls in next year’s lottery.

By Mitchell Trachtenberg