With much of the country in the grip of a winter hellscape, MLB commissioner Paul Manfred canceled baseball for the rest of April.

“More than half our teams have had so many games canceled so far this month that we’re going to have nothing by doubleheaders in June and July,” said Manfred. “What the hell are we doing?”

Manfred said that the two weeks of games that are canceled will not be made up. Instead, the 2018 season will consist of 150 games instead of 162.

“This is the way the season should be anyway,” said Manfred. “Playing games in March and November is insane. These storms are just Mother Nature’s way of telling us that.”

Added Manfred: “Now if there was just something we could do about 110-degree July games in Dallas … ”

Article idea submitted by Heckler reader Paul H.