God took a break from trying to fix the world today to send a message to all the NCAA basketball tournament teams that are not Loyola: “I’m not helping you.”

Said God, “I’m only helping Loyola and Sister Jean, the 98-year-old Loyola team chaplain, confidant, scout, analyst, secret assistant coach, historian who was actually there, positive thinker, #1 fan, and person who always remembers to pray.”

Replied Sister Jean Dolores Schmidt, “Awesome, God. Thank you. And while you’re at it, can you please get me out of this damn wheelchair for good?”

Said Loyola Head Coach Porter Moser, “Nice. All glory to you, God!”

Added God, “So to any other team that might get through, do not thank me effusively on live TV. I did not help you. It wasn’t me. Must have been the other guy.”