The Bears have made their first big off-season headlines with the expected free-agent signing of Allen Robinson from the Jacksonville Jaguars. Bears GM Ryan Pace said the team plans to have Robinson play “wide receiver,” which is an innovative new position the team just discovered.

“Apparently in the NFL you are allowed to throw the ball forward on offense, which I believe is called a ‘pass,'” said Pace. “And the players who often catch these so-called passes are called ‘wide receivers.'”

Pace added that he expected the wide receiver to revolutionize the game and add an element of scoring prowess the franchise hasn’t seen in years.

“This is completely innovative and ‘outside the box,'” said Pace. “Now on third-and-13 we won’t have to either hand off or run a screen play to Tarik Cohen. We’ll be able to run a nine-yard pass play to Allen Robinson instead.”

The Bears also plan to acquire what most teams call “a kicker” who can help them convert extra points and field goals at a success rate higher than the 45 percent it displayed the last two seasons.