The Chicago Cubs have put out a $1 million reward to anyone who can snap a picture of their stone-faced ace, Kyle Hendricks, in the act of smiling.
Much like Bigfoot, the Lochness Monster, or a sober fan in the Wrigley Field bleachers, nobody is truly sure if a smiling Kyle Hendricks even exists, or if it’s just a myth.
“Rumor has it that Hendricks may have accidentally smirked when he got married,” claimed one of his teammates, who spoke under the condition of anonymity out of fear that Hendricks is actually an assassin posing as a baseball player. “To be honest, I’m not even sure if the guy has teeth.”
When submitting pictures, the Cubs have asked that no obvious photoshops of John Lackey’s chompers be placed onto Hendricks face, and that the pictures are as clear and transparent as possible. Just like Sammy Sosa’s skin.