Fall 2016 will be a season to dread, thanks to the merging of presidential hopeful Donald Trump and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Fused by scientists working against their will, “Trumpell” promises to be the “most spectacular overlord you’ve ever seen.”
“I’m going to be so amazing, it will make your head spin,” said Trumpell. “Which is the real reason you’ll have a concussion, not because of playing football. Any idiot knows that.”
Trumpell has vowed to “Make American Football Great Again” by abolishing all player safety rules, expelling foreign-born kickers and forcing the Kansas City Chiefs to build a wall around themselves.
“First of all, I don’t like the name the ‘Chiefs.’ Not one bit. Sounds ethnic to me,” said Trumpell. “Second, there’s only one chief here, okay? And it’s not anyone in Kansas. It’s not Hillary either, by the way. What a witch, that one.”
Trumpell has already fined 34 NFL players for violating uniform codes and nearly 25 million Americans for watching a game of soccer in the last six months.