The first-place Chicago Cubs suddenly find themselves mired in mysterious injuries, with Jorge Soler, Tommy La Stella and Anthony Rizzo all dealing with leg and back issues. Trainers and crew are scouring the Wrigley Field clubhouse for anything that might be the cause, with the first thing to go this weekend a newly-installed “trampoline room” next to the exercise room.

“Warming up before games with a good bounce was an idea I had,” said Cubs skipper Joe Maddon. “Maybe trampolines on the wall and ceiling went too far. Who’s to say? We’re just here trying not to suck.”

Matt Szczur, who just returned from the disabled list, admitted several of the players may have taken things too far.

“I’m not gonna say that petting zoo karaoke was invented in the trampoline room,” said Szczur. “But I’m also… Wait…”

On a related note, the Cubs will be holding a rummage sale this week.

Bandwagon Dan