Just six weeks into the season, the St. Louis Cardinals are already 9 games behind the first place Chicago Cubs and struggling to stay above the .500 mark. That new reality has prompted team officials to change their unofficial mantra of having “the best fans in baseball” to a more accurate and ownable claim.
“Look, it’s going to be this way for a while with the Cubs and Pirates,” said Cardinals GM John Mozeliak. “So we thought it just made sense to take pride in our current situation. Namely, that we have the best fans of a mediocre team in baseball.”
Even that claim has come under sharp criticism.
“They think their red-neck Trump supporters are better fans than ours?” asked Colorado Rockies manager Walt Weiss. “We’re pretty mediocre too and you don’t see our fans wearing jorts and hurling derogatory slurs at opposing players. Colorado has long been home to some of the most passionate fans of teams hovering around .500.”
Cardinals fans disrespectfully disagreed.
“The Cubs suck a fat one!” shouted Cardinals fan Bobby Wentworth at a recent Cardinals-Dodgers game. “[Expletive deleted] all of you! We’re the best fans of all time and I’ll bet my Zubaz on it. [Expletive deleted] the Cubs.”