Derrick Rose was all smiles this weekend after his latest knee surgery to repair a torn meniscus having just learned that he’d back playing basketball again in a mere 46 weeks.

“Man, the doctors’ said that the surgery was a success, and I’ll be back on the court in no time,” said Rose. “With a return in 46 weeks, that will give me plenty of time to see my kids graduate from pre-school and kindergarten and I won’t even be walking with a limp.”

When informed later in the weekend that Bulls’ brass expected him to be back in four to six weeks in time for the NBA playoffs, Rose was glum.

“No man, that’s just unrealistic,” said Rose. “I’ve got major plans this summer like helping my brother Reggie with his home redecorating and a weekend away at Indiana Beach. Sheesh, four to six weeks, I couldn’t return from a hangnail in that amount of time.”

Jeremy Barewin